SortaCrunchy

As He Leads Us: Six Month Update

It occurred to me that it has been about six months since we first shared with you about our plans for As He Leads Us.  Back in January, we posted some prayer requests.  Today, I wanted to briefly share with you some ways you can continue to partner with us in praying over this project:

1) We need wisdom and discernment as we move forward.  We'll have a decision to make in the next few weeks, and we want to make sure that first and foremost, we hear from the Lord on which path to take.

2) We still have quite a bit of content that needs to be written.  As you know, I have many writing commitments already, and Laura is actively involved in both community and ministry work in her hometown.  Plus, it's summer!  We could use some direction (and oftentimes motivation!) as to how and when to finish the content of the book.

3) We are so very, very encouraged by the positive feedback we've gotten on our message.  We know many of you have shared links to the As He Leads Us series with friends who were needing to hear about our experiences and the experiences of others in the realm of Christian parenting.  I don't think I can tell you enough how grateful we are for your support!

If you haven't already, you can join the As He Leads Us Facebook group which we hope to be able to use to keep you involved in more specific prayer requests, as well as asking for you to contribute to a section of the book that will feature the stories and experiences of other families who have chosen a servanthood approach to parenting.

A million thanks for coming alongside us in this endeavor.  Each of you have blessed us more than you know!

Birth Story Series: Carrie's Med-Free Birth of Twins

I am super excited to share today's birth story!  Carrie is a friend of my friend Sasha, and she emailed to say she would be happy to share her story of birthing twins naturally.  As I read her story, I saw that her twins and my AJ were born just one day apart in September 2007.  So cool!  I know you'll enjoy hearing her family's story as much as I have:

This story is graphic and not for the faint of heart. I have learned that motherhood has initiated me into handling just about anything and not always with grace. We moms have dealt with poop, vomit, and blood and have become accustomed to it. This is the truth in my picture of a twin childbirth experience.

DON'T THROW IN THE TOWEL....

When my husband and I found out we were expecting not one child...but two, he started laughing hysterically and I shrieked awkwardly. We had plans of cloth diapering, breastfeeding, and making our own baby food. But how does all that work with twins? Why should it be any different with two babies than what we planned with one?

"You're going to do what?? Are you nuts?" was the typical response from others when we told them we were attempting to do a drug-free childbirth experience with twins.  Fortunately, we found a fantastic nurse-midwife who was willing to help us achieve our dream, a doula ready to help and support, and The Bradley Method childbirth course to help us prepare intellectually. We were blessed to have a complication-free pregnancy which put us into good position to follow through with our birth plan. Of course I would never have put our twins' health or safety at risk, and we had a support team ready to go if things took a unexpected turn. Unlike other midwife birthing experiences, our midwife was associated with a hospital and a medical team (OB-GYNs, maternal-fetal medicine specialists, etc.), which made us more at ease. Though I wasn't happy about it, I knew I would have to deliver in the OR because of having twins, in case of emergency. In our situation, the harsh lights of the OR were the LEAST of my thoughts in "the moment"...

At 38 1/2 weeks, after 4 weeks of bedrest, I went into spontaneous labor in the middle of the night, of course. The contractions came quickly after my bags of water broke, and we drove at mach speeds towards the hospital hoping to prevent a road-side delivery. I felt the strong need to have a bowel movement and in sitting on the disgusting public toilet in the entry way to the hospital, discovered that I had the strong urge to PUSH....right then!! Looking back, it was evident I was in the transition stage of labor, the shortest and most intense stage. Following admission, my husband and our doulas were at my side as my contractions were hard and fast (1 min. apart). Our homemade birthing music CD, candles, massagers, and magazines never made it out of the bag! My hubby was a champ; not usually outspoken, he stood against the nurses who were basically waiving the pain drugs in front of me and held true to our wishes.  Our midwife arrived in her stiletto heels, charmingly took control and after wheeling me into the OR, used her gentle methods to literally pop Baby A, our sweet George, out. No cutting, no stitches required.

At that point, Baby B decided to enjoy the extra space her brother left for her, sat back and was not coming out. The maternal-fetal medicine on-call doc (who was not in favor of our plans either and to whom our midwife had to strongly advocate our wishes, I might add) successfully completed an external version (where they literally push the baby's head and bottom into position). She did administer a small dose of Pitocin to re-kickstart my labor with the second baby and within minutes, our midwife pulled out our darling Abigail.

My point in sharing our story is not to toot our own horn or have you hail our bravery, but to remind that if you know what you want and build your team around you, you are more likely to achieve it - which applies to many experiences in life, childbirth or otherwise!! We could have backed down when the two fetuses popped up on the 11-week ultrasound screen and gone the uber-medicated, high intervention route that most typical twin pregnancies take. Instead we chose to stick with our original plan as much as possible. We are eternally grateful for the competent, supportive medical team we chose and due to their diligence and our hard-headed natures, we succeeded in our twins' drug-free births. Don't throw in the towel!!

If you want to hear more of the details of this wonderful birth story, you can read Carrie's husband's account of the twin's birthday.

Carrie is a full-time twin mama to George and Abigail (twenty-two months) and our three furry four-legged monsters, wife of eight years to Matt, and part-time geriatric social worker. Enjoy a glimpse of the everyday on "The Craziness we call life..."

Birthing Series: Shannon's Advocacy for Homebirth

Continuing on in the series on birthing choices, I have a post to share with you today from Shannon of Nourishing Days.  Shannon has birthed at home twice and is eager to share with you some information you might not know about homebirth:

I have delivered both of my boys at home with caring and skilled midwives. I was able to labor and push however and whenever I needed to in complete comfort.

I want every mother to have that experience.

What is important to me is not that every woman have their baby at home, but that every woman is given all of the information about birth.

So let me tell you what I know about homebirth...

It is Just as Safe as Hospital Birth

Safety is most people's biggest concern, but statistically it's just as safe, if not safer than hospital birth.

We can look outside of the U.S. to make a comparison...

• In the Netherlands 30% of all births are homebirths. They have an infant mortality rate of 4.73 deaths/1000 live births (according to the CIA World Factbook, 2009)
• In the United States 1% or less of all births are planned homebirths. The United States' infant mortality rate is 6.26 deaths/1000 live births (according to the CIA World Factbook, 2009).

There are Fewer Interventions

The current c-section rate is nearly one third of all hospital births. One third. That rate has increased 50% since 2005 and it is double the World Health Organization's recommended rate of 15%.

I am not against c-sections - they can be life saving for both mother and baby. But it is also major surgery with significant risks to both mother and baby, and therefore should not be done unless necessary.

The average transfer rate, and therefore intervention rate, for homebirth is 12%.

My sister-in-law, who is a nurse working with moms and babies, has told me that she would choose a birthing center over a hospital birth. She has seen the snowball effect of interventions in the hospital.

It Costs Less Than Hospital Birth

Have you seen The Business of Being Born? If not I would highly recommend it for anyone who will ever have a baby.

There is a lot of money involved in birth. If half of us mamas chose to birth at home, with midwives, does that mean that half of the obstetricians would lose their jobs? Would they make half the money? I don't know, but they certainly have some incentive to keep us in the hospitals, even if we don't need to be there.

If you look at the average facility labor and birth charge by site and method of birth you can see that it is not cheap to give birth in the hospital.

In 2005 a vaginal birth in the hospital cost almost $7,000. In 2006 our family paid less than $2500 for a homebirth with the best care you can imagine - and that price covered prenatal, the birth and postnatal. Everything.

****

The above three reasons helped motivate us to have a homebirth, but their was more to it than that.

We know that whatever the outcome of a hospital or homebirth - God is in control.

While we can seek out the best care possible and nourish our bodies as best as we can, some things are out of our control. This was never more clear to me than during the birth of my younger son.

Given God's sovereignty, and the three reasons above, we have chosen homebirth.

I am often asked if we will have another homebirth if we become pregnant again. At this point I can't say for sure, but I know it will depend on my health and how the pregnancy goes. I can say that if it is not a homebirth, we will choose a birthing center and the wonderful midwives who do not get near the credit that they deserve in the medical community.

Shannon is a wife, mama, and homemaker who is passionate about nourishing our families with real food.  She writes about sustainable agriculture, mindful stewardship of resources, living simply, and more at Nourishing Days.

(photo of Shannon and her younger son just moments after she birthed him at home)

There Will Be Poop

I'm just going to warn you right here, right now, this post is all about poop.  Humiliation and poop.  If such things are offensive to your delicate sensitivities (what on earth are you doing here?), you'll need to move along now.

Something you might not know about me is that in real life, on the other side of that screen, I actually get embarrassed quite easily.  You wouldn't guess that, I'm sure, considering that I have discussed everything from cloth pads to my monthly cycles (and many other mildly embarrassing topics) here, but it's true.  It doesn't take much at all to make me blush, and so the events that have transpired in the past few hours have left me nearly catatonic and in hiding in the corners of my own home.

Why share it publicly?  Because this, my friends, this is a cautionary tale.  It is a story - an absolutely true account - that serves to remind you that when one has a child still mostly in diapers, no matter how many times or how often the potty is used at home, one must never, never, ever ever ever leave the house without a back-up diaper.

This story begins with AJ.  Of course it does, because even on Dacey's most outrageous days, she's got nothin' on a typical day with Aliza Joy.  In the past week, AJ has decided to learn the potty.  She'll be twenty-two months old next week, and this step towards independence is entirely her idea.  I don't even actually practice potty "training" (that's another post for another day when I'm not contemplating a name change and plastic surgery) (and considering that I contemplate plastic surgery daily, it could be a while before that post gets written), but I've been trying to just go with her sudden interest and determination to use the potty all the time, every time.  Dacey did not potty learn until she was nearly three, so the thought of impending freedom from diapering was hard to resist.

So within the first five minutes of waking this morning, AJ told me she needed to poop.  She went to the little potty and poop she did!  And continued to do this, I kid you not, every fifteen to twenty minutes.  She would produce a little tiny poop, triumphantly dump the contents into the big potty, and stand waving joyously over the swirling waters saying, "Bye bye poopie!" 

I had to make a quick trip to the library, and it had to be done today.  I've been leading the baby/toddler story time at the library on Wednesday mornings this summer, and Last Minute Lucy that I am, I still had not chosen the story for tomorrow.  A series of events put us running behind, so it wasn't until I pulled out of the driveway that I realized I hadn't grabbed an extra diapers and wipes.  Oh well, she's been pooping all morning.  What are the odds?

The odds?  The odds?  Were not in my favor today, friends.

So we picked out a nice little stack of books, and the girls played with puzzles and trains while I tootled around on the card catalog computer.  (Or whatever that new-fangled book-looker-upper-thang is called these days.)  It wasn't too long before I realized AJ had pooped again - in her diaper.  The only diaper I had on me.

As I took her to the bathroom to change her, I debated about what to do.  Do I just leave immediately with no stack of books, no plan for tomorrow?  Do I just chance it for a few minutes - just long enough to check out the books and then high-tail it for home?  It was a classic Sliding Doors moment.  I went through the door only idiots walk through - the Door of the Diaperless Toddler.

As we walked back out into the library, I saw that a family of five had come in and lined up at the check-out counter to get library cards.  Each one needed one.  Okay.  So we'll hang out here in the kids' section for a few minutes while we wait.  Maybe it was thirty seconds, maybe it was three minutes.  I couldn't tell you how long in actual time increments we stood there, but I can tell you this: 

It was exactly long enough for AJ to let loose with a week's worth of buried treasure that slid quickly and efficiently right down her pant leg and piled up there on the floor of the public library.

I wanted to die.  I wanted to run away.  I wanted to run away to a quick, painless death.  But I couldn't because if I did, I know she would have started playing in it.  What transpired next is the part that is so humiliating, I'm still not able to put words to it.  Hurried trips back and forth to the bathroom with AJ tucked under my arm, Dacey standing in the children's section loudly declaring, "oooooooooooh, that poop STINKS," glares from the library staff . . . Awful.  Just awful.

You either laugh or you cry, right?  Well, I cried all the way home, and then some more once we got home.  When Kyle came home at lunch, I moved forward to the laugh-cry.  I haven't cried while writing this, but I am surely not to the point of laughing.  Maybe in a year or two, I'll read over this and giggle, but I'm not there yet.

The worst part is I have to go back there in the morning - not even allowing 24 hours to expunge a little of the memory of The Poop Incident from the minds of the library staff.  Thank goodness they have a back door and thank goodness the children's librarian is also AJ's Sunday School teacher and so she knows a little bit of what it means to experience Aliza.

And you'll notice, won't you, that there is no picture to illustrate this story.  Posting about poop is a time-honored tradition in the Sorority of Mommy Bloggers, but taking the time to grab my phone to snap a picture of the mess would have definitely earned me a public excommunication from the library.  Plus, that's just gross.

So go ahead.  Poke fun.  Laugh it up.  Just don't forget the lesson to be learned here: when the question "what's the worst that could happen?" arises, just remember the answer is always "poop on the library floor."  Because that's exactly what could happen.

Birth Story Series: Thoughts from Katie on Preparing for an Intervention-Free Birth

What wonderful feedback there has been so far on the birth story series!  Today we continue with a guest post from Katie who shares her thoughts on how and why she planned an intervention-free birth:

Don’t be a hero . . .

You know there’s no gold star at the end . . .

But WHY??

All of these comments, and many others, were heard in the months preceding my daughter’s birth in February 2008.  When I mentioned that I was planning to pursue natural childbirth, I mostly got a LOT of strange responses, very few of which were actually supportive. 

My guess is that  there are 2 reasons behind this:

• The reasons for pursuing natural (intervention-free) childbirth are often misunderstood.

• It’s assumed that because of my choice – I am judging you for yours. 

Honestly, I had no strong feelings about medication during childbirth prior to becoming pregnant.  Once I knew I had a precious little life growing inside me, a beautiful gift from God, I realized that part of my role as The Mama was to make informed choices about my child(ren).  And so, I began to read.

I visited websites, read blogs, checked out books, and talked to friends… and surprised myself by not-so-slowly becoming convinced that natural childbirth was the right choice for me and for my family. 

I didn’t want to be a hero – nor did I want to earn anyone’s respect by “proving how tough I was.”  What I did want was to give my body the chance to do exactly what God made it to do – grow a little life over the course of nine months and give birth in its own time.   I had no delusions that it would be easy, nor did I care what people thought about my choice.  My husband was incredibly supportive, and I believed that God had created a perfect system for “being fruitful and multiplying.”  (Granted, this perfect system of His exists in an imperfect world, and does not always proceed without unavoidable complication).

I took a natural childbirth class at a local birth center, and planned an intervention-free birth at a hospital (we were a bit gun-shy of the birth center for our very first pregnancy).  I was able to give birth to my daughter in a hospital, surrounded by fabulous nurses and doctors who took excellent care of us – and I did so without intervention (oh – aside from my water being broken right before I began to push).

The things I’ve learned and truly believe from my experience are:

-          1.  Preparation is key – I did so much reading and had gotten such a wealth of information from my childbirth class that I felt well prepared for the task ahead.  It was tough – I’m not going to lie – but I truly believed I could do it, that I was MADE to do it, and that I had tools to help me.

-          2.  Barring any aforementioned unavoidable complications, all women are capable of having an intervention-free birth. 

-          3.  That being said – the choice to pursue a drug-free birth is not necessarily for everyone.  I believed it to be the best choice for me, and I pursued it aggressively.  I’m thrilled with my birth experience and my daughter was born healthy and strong.  That was most important – period.

-          I don’t expect rewards for being tough, and I don’t judge anyone else for their choices.  I do believe that we all have a responsibility to make informed decisions about childbirth – but those choices won’t look the same across the board. 

Katie is a happy at-home-mama to Hazel (16 months old), wife to Mark, and is looking forward to welcoming Baby 2.0 sometime in August.  Thanks for reading - check out A Heartful of Eternity for even more!

(precious newborn close-up photo by timsamoff)

Birth Story Series: Elizabeth's Intervention-Free Hospital Birth Experience

Continuing the birth story series today with a guest post from a wonderful friend of mine - Elizabeth.

Birthing Without Intervention: My First Experience

I’ve always enjoyed hearing and reading about other people’s birth stories, but before I had a baby I never really considered what mine would be like. I certainly never expected to be a mom who did it without any intervention. In fact, I distinctly remember screaming at my husband in the car on the way to the hospital, “Get me an epidural THE SECOND we get there!”  Things did not go exactly how I planned them to, but now I wouldn’t want to do it any other way.

Giving birth to my first child changed the way I look at childbirth, and it gave me confidence I didn’t know I could have. I chose a wonderful midwife for my prenatal care and she taught me a great deal about my body and its ability to nourish and care for my unborn baby. As it got closer to my due date, I got nervous about the possibility of delivering her without any pain medication. I was delivering in a hospital, so I never expected to not be able to have an epidural.

My labor started suddenly in the middle of the night and from the beginning my contractions were 2-3 minutes apart. We headed to the hospital quickly because it was 45 minutes away, but before we left my mom had my husband gather a few supplies in case I had to deliver en route. Things were intense, and I didn’t have time to think about anything other than what was happening to my body. I was entirely focused on trying to breathe and staying comfortable while my husband frantically drove. I later realized that I was going through the transition stage of labor in the car. No wonder I was so hysterical!

When we arrived at the hospital the nurse gave me good news and bad news. I was already dilated to 9 cm; and that meant I could not have an epidural! I was shocked and terrified, but the midwife cared for me by putting cool washcloths on my face and neck and keeping the room peaceful. She had such a calming presence, and it was no different even in the midst of a quickly-progressing labor. I was able to stay rather calm as it got closer to time to push. That time came very soon. My midwife gently urged me to give it my all. But once I could see the baby’s head crowning I wanted nothing more than to push her body out (There was a mirror at the end of the bed so I could see what was happening). I pushed for only 30 minutes, and my daughter was born after a mere four hours of labor. My labor was intense, but I was able to manage the pain and never felt out of control or helpless. I prefer to say that I delivered my baby, not the midwife. It was hard work and actually quite loud because of my yells! I’ve had two more babies in almost the same way.

The best part was the minutes after she was born. The midwife handed her to me and I just stared, examining her every part and overflowing with adoration for this tiny being who I already knew so well. She was wide awake and latched on to my breast easily, and we spent an hour together before the nurses took her to be weighed.

The first time I had a baby I didn’t choose to give birth naturally.  It was chosen for me because my labor was so fast. But once I knew that I could do it and have a peaceful, calm experience, I was confident in my body’s ability to birth a baby without the interventions that are so common in American hospitals. I am not a better mom because of how I gave birth; no one is. I am passionate about encouraging women to seek the right prenatal and labor care for them.  I love sharing about my experience with a midwife and no interventions during labor and why it worked for me.  Some people mistakenly assume that I have a problem with moms who choose to use interventions, but nothing could be farther from the truth. I am grateful that there are measures available to help women in labor, and some of these interventions are necessary to save the life of the mother or the baby, or even to relieve the pain of labor when it becomes unbearable.

The most important aspect to any labor and delivery is a healthy mother and baby. However a woman and her doctor choose for that to happen is an individual choice. I am thankful that I was able to have my babies without any interventions.

And I secretly hope I get to do it again.

Elizabeth is an Oklahoma transplant who blogs about her life’s passions at Finding Him Bigger. A stay-at-home-mom to three kids ages 10, 6, and 1, Elizabeth loves the Lord and knows that He is bigger than any struggle or challenge in our lives. She is passionate about encouraging and equipping parents, especially young moms, and hopes to one day make use of a counseling degree by working as a parent educator. Her greatest passions of mothering are natural childbirth, breastfeeding, and attachment parenting practices.

darling newborn photo courtesy of Bethany L King

Birth Story Series: Desiree's Homebirth Experience

Today I am kicking off a series of birth story guest posts from those who have had homebirths or intervention-free hospital/birth center birth experiences.  Please bear in mind I am not sharing these birth stories to cause anyone to feel ashamed or defensive or condemned for their own birthing choices and experiences; each of my daughters are Cesarean births, and so I wanted to be able to provide you with a more natural perspective than I can give you.  And besides all of that, who doesn't love a good birth story? 

The first birth story in this series comes from Desiree:

I do not like hospitals. I might even go far as to say that I HATE HOSPITALS. All things medical have always sort of freaked me out, made me nervous & very uncomfortable. This was my first hint that a home birth might be the thing for me.

The thought of giving birth in a hospital, a place frequented by the sick & injured, has always made me feel very unsettled. It seems as though no matter who you are or why you are there, when you are in a hospital you are treated as “a sick person” -- someone who has a medical problem which needs to be remedied. This is not the case with having a baby – a completely natural & beautiful event. I knew that I wouldn’t want to feel as though I was being “treated” while I was giving birth – I wanted to feel the power & the incredible emotion of the moment.

About six months before my partner, Ryan, & I decided to try for our first child a friend of mine had a home birth. Her experience seemed so positive and it stuck with me. It was beautiful. There was nothing sterile or medical about it. There were no tubes & wires, IVs in her arm or nurses rushing about. Just midwives, friends, family & so much love. The idea of having a baby in the comfort of my own home? My own room? Beautiful. When Ryan & I found out I was pregnant (after our first month of trying!) I decided that a home birth was what I wanted.

My midwife was very supportive of my choice for a home birth throughout my entire pregnancy. She helped me get my iron levels back up when I was found to be anemic & she talked me through what to expect at home so that Ryan & I would both feel completely comfortable with everything that would happen. The whole experience leading up to my home birth was fantastic.

I really loved that I knew who would be delivering my child. I also agreed to have a student midwife help with our care and she did a fantastic job. At the birth both my primary midwife as well as the student were present and both were absolutely fantastic. It was such a positive experience. I loved that at each of my visits to her office I got to stay for nearly an hour & have all of my questions answered. The offices were set up more like living rooms with big comfortable chairs and a bed to lay on for examinations. Even the bed was just a bed – not a scary medical contraption with stirrups. Comfort was the name of the game.

Since I wanted a home birth, my midwife also came to my house for one of our visits & we got to discuss how I wanted to labour, who I wanted present at the birth, what my ideal situation would be as well as what my preferences were for things like episiotomies (no thank you!) and what would happen if it became necessary to transfer me to the hospital. It really did feel like I was talking to a friend – a caring friend who really wanted me to have the best experience possible. I never felt rushed & I felt like I could ask her anything. After hearing horror stories about insensitive doctors from friends, I was so relieved.

Pain management is something that many people asked me about when I told them I wanted to give birth at home. What about an epidural? Don’t you want “the drugs”? Most people seemed to think that natural child birth just wasn’t for them – but I knew it was for me. I will admit now that there was a moment during my labour that I thought “Ok, I understand why people get epidurals, but I want to do this on my own” – and I did. Having a natural birth makes me feel really proud & incredibly strong. If I can do that? I can do ANYTHING.

My daughter is now 18 weeks old and I am so happy to look back at my birth and feel so positively about it. It was the most intense experience of my life & also the most wonderful. My best friend cut her cord, my partner held her immediately, I snuggled my daughter while being stitched up & got to have a bath in MY OWN BATHTUB within an hour of giving birth. All of these things let me look back on my birth with such a good feeling in my heart. I would absolutely recommend a home birth to anyone, whether it was their first child or their tenth. It was simply beautiful.


Desiree is a young Canadian stay at home mama to nearly five month old daughter, Gretchen. She is an advocate for natural & attachment parenting chronicling her life, her inspirations & her loves on her blog, So Fawned.

(lovely photo by maessive)